I have a secret addiction and it’s watching How to Look Good Naked with Gok Wan.
Trust me though, I do not intend to strip naked and parade myself in my lifetime but this show and this man is inspiring.
Everyday I flip through the newspapers and when I do read a magazine, it makes me feel inadequate. There's always some article about someone losing weight, some random slimming centre that’s guaranteed to zap the fats off your thighs or some weight loss miracle pill. Lately, I’ve been tuning into what relates most to me and it’s all these stories of celebrities who have dropped the pounds in a matter of weeks to months after giving birth. If carrying around so much extra weight isn’t bad enough, I am constantly exposed to stories of miracle weight loss and yes, I have been told by my own mother that I am “huge.” She likes to ask me about my baby weight gain and talks to me about how fabulous so and so looks and as much as I try to shove it aside and not feel hurt by such insensitive remarks, it still hurts.
Every woman is influenced by her mother. I think this is an undeniable fact. My mom was blessed with great genes. She has pretty good skin after having three of us and is teeny tiny. No one can really tell that she’s my mom at times because she takes care of herself and dresses well. Also, I repeat myself she is very small and slim.
I on the other hand, am on the opposite end. I have boobs, butt and hips. I have meat on my bones that were not suppose to be there ( according to my mom) and I have gone through life on one diet or another. I have exercised my legs off only to build muscle and it was only when I reached my twenties that I realized * I AM NOT MY MOM*
I do not have her genes and I will never have it. I have my Dad’s genes and they are fleshy suckers! My aunties loved to make cruel remarks when I was growing up about my weight and how my arms or thighs were huge. The most self defeating aspect of it all was that I actually allowed myself to believe all that trash talk. I allowed my huge aunties to tell me that I was fat and I did not feel good about myself.
Don’t even get me started on my Dad’s remarks. He made the most cruel remarks and my Body Confidence was Zero at times. It’s not even funny how parents are the ones who can kill their children’s confidence and self esteem. I did throw a fit once when my Dad made a sarcastic remark about my weight and that shut him up for some time. It didn’t help too that they were unsympathetic about my health – I have low blood count and blood sugar which made me dizzy, whoozy and breathless half the time.
I’ve never been told by my parents that my curves were “ NATURAL” or “ BEAUTIFUL” or “PART OF NATURE” – Never been told that I should accept myself the way I was and that having a beautiful personality was far more important. NO. I was always told that “SKINNY IS GOOD”, “SKINNY IS BEAUTIFUL” and “SKINNY IS ADMIRED”
_______________________That’s when something happened to me___________
I got married and moved out of my home for a few years.
I lived overseas, I lived with my husband’s family and mainly I started to live with myself.
It wasn’t easy as it was a transitional period and I was growing into an adult.
So what ?
My husband has 2 older sisters and his family is more or less surrounded by women- aunties, mom, sisters, cousins, friends …. They have curves just like me. They weren’t considered fat. They were trim and curvy and they ATE. They really ate what they wanted and when they wanted and they never deprived themselves of good food. Honestly, I was pretty shocked. I was used to thinking that women had to eat rabbit food and they should have to eat little in order to be small sized! The difference was their mental attitude and their way of life. They are the most active bunch of people I have ever met. They eat and they don’t sit still. They are rarely idle.
They were always positive about their bodies and my Mother In Law never says “ you’re fat” or “you should diet.” His parents build healthy confidence in all their children and it was eye opening for me. Truly. The women in his family spoke openly about their hang ups( cellulite and extra fats) but it never become an obsessive thing. They still ate, frequently but in smaller portions and they still ate what they wanted. Needless to say, I was surrounded by women who were more or less like myself and didn’t view me as FAT or OVERWEIGHT and they accepted me for who I was.For once, I was not looked at like the dinosaur of the family.
My MIL would only frown upon any of her daughters if they chose not to take care of themselves or had let themselves go. She would never step on their confidence and compare them to some stick thin model. My MIL dresses up and pretties herself and does not let some extra fat prevent her from looking good and going out. I was being exposed to a family who had a much healthier body image attitude and it’s really because of them that I don’t beat myself up and hate my body all the time.
Living with them helped me to change my mindset bit by bit.
I started to understand that my body type bulks easily and walking was the best form of exercise for me. I started to realize that if I ate what I wanted and remained extremely active ( just like my husbands family), I could easily maintain my weight and feel full and happy and not guilty. I started to work with my body and not against it and most of all I started to accept the fact that “ I AM NOT MY MOM” It did help that I did get more in tune with my body and I started to fuel a more positive, healthy body image. I stopped obsessing over my body and gradually my clothes did fit better and my weight stabilized :) These past few years before I got pregnant were the slimmest I had been since I was 16-17 and I thank my husband’s family for that.
I will never have skinny legs, a small bum or chest and I will always have to keep active to stay trim. These are facts about myself that have helped me so much and now when my mom passes any weight sensitive comments, it stings but it does not bug me or make me want to starve myself anymore.
My husband loves me and my body and I think he’s made me see that having a chest or bum or extra flesh isn’t bad at all.
Watching Gok Wan has nicely reinforced all this lessons in my head, especially now that I am at my biggest! You are not as bad as you think you look. Be realistic though. If you are obese, it’s truly a cause for concern and action. If you are slightly plump and have been on a yoyo diet for a majority of your life, maybe it’s time to really accept your body and learn to work with it. If you are pregnant like me, just enjoy it for the meanwhile. Why does it take a gay man to show a woman that she is sexy ? Why does it take a gay man to make a woman feel confident and desirable? Why does it take a gay man to show a woman that she has great legs\ boobs\waist etc ? Why can’t women see it for themselves?
I think it’s largely due to the fact that he’s been through low self esteem as a teen and had to deal with alot of shit from his peers. He was ridiculed for being fat and gay when he was growing up and I think only people like him who have actually through that sort of situation, can relate fully to women with confidence issues. Gok Wan sees the beauty that these women have let go off. He sees the possibilities and looks beyond all the imperfections. He works to flaunt their assets and hide their flaws. Isn’t that what being a woman is all about?
Don’t get me wrong though. Going out to buy luxurious, figure flattering undergarments isn’t going to turn you into a sex kitten overnight or miraculously build self confidence, neither will doing a naked photo shoot make you feel like a million bucks. What Gok Wan is trying to say to all the women out there is that ALL WOMEN Regardless of size and shape, have the right to feel attractive and beautiful in their own skin everyday. Don’t let yourself go, don’t belittle your own beauty and don’t look down on what God has gifted you. It’s a simple concept but it’s so hard to achieve because of what society has become. If I had a choice, I would rewind my teens years and be focused on living a happy, healthy positive life. Not a life that revolved around food, perfection and starvation. It brought on only the pounds, sadness and more binging sessions.
I hope I didn’t babble on about this issue too much. I feel a ton of stress ever since I started showing and gaining a lot of weight for this pregnancy ( largely due to a long bed rest episode and supplements) and I know better than to let negative remarks and people’s opinions get to me. If I am healthy and my baby is healthy, my extra weight is definitely worth it. I definitely want to get back to my old weight but I’ve made the decision to be as healthy as I can now and be more active after I give birth and recover :)
Thanks to Gok Wan for helping me remember that all women have the ability to be gorgeous :)
